Archive for the 'The Onion' Category

GOP Introduces New "Mystery Candidate" With Paper Bag Over Head

Republicans will reveal the identity of the Mystery Candidate only after he, or she, wins the election. (Aired 11/18/11)
From: TheOnion
Views: 52459
1565 ratings
Time: 01:55 More in Comedy

Poll Reveals GOP Nomination Now Two-Way Race Between Mitt Romney, Total Voter Apathy

The FDA urges Americans to check out a really weird-looking potato, a suitcase looks forward all year to the carousel ride, and Syria is running dangerously low on citizens to oppress. It's the week of January 30th, 2012.
From: TheOnion
Views: 29646
1228 ratings
Time: 03:11 More in Comedy

Tyler Perry Expands His Fan Base With New Films About Sassy, Chinese Grandmother

Tyler Perry has signed a $50 million deal to expand his franchise to include films targeted at the world's 1.4 billion Chinese moviegoers.
From: TheOnion
Views: 37367
1195 ratings
Time: 01:49 More in Comedy

Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable Of Rolling Eyes And Texting, To Be Euthanized

The parents of 13-year old Caitlin Teagart have decided to end her life, saying she can now do nothing but lay on the couch and whine about things being "gay."
From: TheOnion
Views: 406234
6852 ratings
Time: 03:10 More in Comedy

Eli Manning Asks Dad If He Can Stop Playing Football Now

Eli Manning wins the Super Bowl, but not his freedom from football. It's a special GOOMF Blast!
From: TheOnion
Views: 33759
633 ratings
Time: 00:58 More in Comedy

Cocky Giants’ D Reveals Game Plan That They Will Try And Tackle Tom Brady

News is breaking all over Indy as the Giants reveal their plans to tackle Tom Brady, Belichick rallies the troops with genital mutilation, and Peyton Manning gets over the Colts with some casual football.
From: TheOnion
Views: 22648
622 ratings
Time: 02:36 More in Comedy

Dead Wife And Kids Replaced By Miniature Horses

Jim and Tracy partner with the "Bridles of Hope" charity to replace the wife Don Groton lost to a drunk driver with a beautiful miniature horse.
From: TheOnion
Views: 57180
1773 ratings
Time: 02:50 More in Comedy

2011 In Review: Nation Shocked To Find Out Elizabeth Taylor Wasn’t Already Dead

As part of the 2011 Year In Review, Tucker remembers Elizabeth Taylor, Amy Winehouse, and Randy Savage. (Aired 12/9/11)
From: TheOnion
Views: 33131
717 ratings
Time: 01:04 More in Comedy

Jay-Z Fans Brace Themselves For Onslaught Of Horrible Odes To Baby

Following the news of Beyonce's pregnancy, Jay-Z fans are bracing for a slew of unbearable songs about the importance of being a dad. (Aired 10/11/11)
From: TheOnion
Views: 55121
1293 ratings
Time: 01:37 More in Comedy

Football Fans Excited To Watch Patriots Or Giants Lose Super Bowl

Reggie tries not to agree with Doc as they discuss the soon-to-be Super Bowl losers, who the hell Marco Scutaro is, and Tom Coughlin's impending death at the hands of Bill Belichick.
From: TheOnion
Views: 38004
864 ratings
Time: 02:41 More in Comedy

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